There have been times when I have been out in public, say at college for example. Some of the girls (some was my friends) have made jokes about bald people, I looked at them and shot them a look. They instantly knew I wasn't happy but clearly didn't know why. That is the point when I think, how stupid are you people?! I have said to people my 'yes, my mum has lost her hair' To that, people don't no how to respond and I have to try to reel it in a bit because I can get pretty mad! The thing is, these people may not of had someone around them/close to them who has lost their hair due to cancer so they don't see it's an offensive thing to say. This is why I understand that they are not 'stupid' they are just not familiar with the situation.
That being said If I was sat in a group and they started talking about a woman's short hair looking stupid I wouldn't join in, by now the group I hang with have realized that it hurts and I'm protective over it because I feel like they are indirectly insulting people who are ill, even if that's not their intention.
When my mum was wearing a bandana, and her and I went out for the first time - only to Tesco. I felt like I was on guard, I was making sure people wasn't staring at her. I didn't want anyone to make her feel alienated. This was so hard for me because I wanted her to be able to go anywhere and feel like herself, strong and beautiful. Some people would look and look away normally, whereas some people actually stared - full on gorping! Like they have never saw anyone with cancer before. I have said to a few people, 'what are you staring for?' when my mum walked further up the aisle and the people didn't no what to say.
I have been swimming multiple times, for the first time after my mum had chemotherapy she sat at the side of the pool on her own. I wanted to sit with her but she didn't want me too. She had her wig on and she thought that no bald women swim. This was a turning point, because I noticed lots of bald women, I never have noticed them before! I thought, is this just because I didn't pay attention or because I am now aware of it? But good on you women! You have nothing to be ashamed of, your beautiful with or without hair!
I know my mum didn't feel like herself without her hair, I might be in my bedroom and I could hear her cry in her bedroom. I wasn't sure weather I should ignore it because she didn't want me to go in or just go in anyway. Sooo I went in anyway, she would be sat in front of the mirror crying, she didn't feel like herself or know who was looking back at her in the mirror. Of course she looked different to me too, but she is my mum, I would put my arms around her and hold her and tell her shes beautiful. The mirror is only showing her something short term and it will grow back eventually when shes better.
What else can I do? All I can do is be there for her. This has made me stronger, I have supported my little brother a lot too, and he can be a right turd when he wants to! My whole family and I have changed so much over the last year, we have become closer (although me and my sister really clashed because we deal with things differently) but we are stronger and more aware of people and their feelings now more than ever. We all have to accept that other people are not ignorent to it, they are probably just unaware.
If you would like to contact me you can do so here - mum.cancer@hotmail.com
I am happy to reply to you there. Or if you are happy to have your questions/stories put onto this blog along with my response then please state that in your email; if you would like your stories/questions to be on here but left anonymous then please state that in the email by putting *anon at the start or end of the email. I hope to keep this blog going so we can create a community where we can all support each other :)
Samantha
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